Sometimes I don’t know if it’s God I’m searching for or if I’m yearning for deep connection with another human. While I’m well aware of the overlap and might be tempted to say that they are one in the same and just sail off into the sunset of my blissful state of desire, I suspect that traversing the boundary of this difference is important. Because this is a sweet spot.
What I notice in this land is a sense of swirling, like tentacles that are at once hostile and compassionate sniffing the air for some kind of resolution or even redemption – as if that nexus might reify existence in some way. The trouble lies not in the fact that these tentacles are actively searching for contact. Rather, the potential for sin lies in the choice point – that place of action in which something becomes manifest in this time-space continuum.
Is this reaching somehow a felt sense of my neural net – where the axon and dendrites are seeking to regroove themselves into some paradigm shift? Or is this leftover body sensations from when some official in scrubs cut the umbilical cord 44 years ago? Perhaps this is the spinning of my 2-4 chakras. Does it matter?
Perhaps for the rest of my life, I will return again and again to the Gospel of Mark and the story of Jesus healing the leper in chapter 1. A leper came to him begging him, and kneeling he said to him, ‘If you choose, you can make me clean.’Moved with pity, Jesus stretched out his hand and touched him, and said to him, ‘I do choose. Be made clean!’
I say this is a sweet spot because there is a certain kind of satisfaction when the tentacles fasten – a sugar hit that electrifies the pleasure center of my brain sending opioids through my system. But then there is the choice point. It’s not all about the hit. Sometimes the sweet spot is the moment of choice.
Day 6 with no sugar. I’m wondering exactly how much of an impact sugar has on my ability to actually sense the sweet spot and its yearning. How attuned can I be to what I really want if I’m blocking the path with a 5lb bag of sugar? Not to mention, the effect it has on the choice point and my ability to manifest right action.